Spam Singles

[Ciderhelm]

I like Spam cooked. Fried and crispy, I think its great, and it goes great on grilled bread. So at the store I see "Spam Singles." Packets of square slices of Spam, kind of like the Tuna ones you can get, with a yellow dotted line:

THIS DOTTED LINE IS LIKE A FREEWAY. THE FREEWAY TO A DELICIOUS EXPLOSION IN YOUR MOUTH.

Obvious jokes aside, this seems reasonable. The first line beneath it is, "Fully cooked, so eat it cold..." Well, what have we here? Pre-fried Spam?

For the last 15 minutes I have been in various states of nausea. This is disgusting. Raw Spam.